The "Blame the Victim" Game

A friend of mine just passed on this article about an abuse victim who has been jailed.

Noellee Mowatt has vowed never to call police again – in any situation, even if she's suffering.

Through choking sobs yesterday morning, Mowatt, 19, made the pact from a pay phone at a Milton jail, where she's spending the last few days of her pregnancy.

Due to deliver next Tuesday, the teenager has been detained at Vanier Centre for Women since Thursday, when a justice of the peace denied her bail.

Mowatt, who faces no criminal charges in this case, won't be let out until she testifies at her boyfriend's domestic assault trial on Friday.

So, apparently it's alright to imprison a 9 month pregnant woman who has not been charged with a crime, simply because she was victimized. It's just another example of the tendency to punish victims of crimes. Somehow, I doubt this is going to encourage abuse victims to stand up to their abusers.

Let's put it this way: abusers often work to annihilate their victim's self-esteem. They make them think that they're the one at fault, and that they deserve the abuse. Or at least, that society will hold them accountable for it, rather than the abuser.

Unfortunately, cases like this only go to support such notions, rather than dispel them, and give the victim more of a reason to trust their abusive partner's words.

The "Traitor"

Some people assume that, simply because I do not wish to be a woman, I am misogynistic. I could start ranting about how unfair it is to assume that all men hate women, but I won't. I could expound on the fact that misandry does not make one morally superior, but I won't. Instead, I'll explain why I don't wish to be a woman, and hope that cooler heads will prevail, rather than a rant about my assumed misogyny.

I'm sure you can think of something- some hobby, career, university major- that really doesn't suit you. This doesn't mean that you think that it's inferior, or that those who are suited to this hobby/career/educational path are worth less than you.

This is how I feel about femininity in general.

I hold the utmost respect for women. I believe in social, political, and legal equality for all people regardless of sex or gender. I simply don't want to be a woman. It's not that being a woman is wrong, it's simply wrong for me.

I've had this body for the last 20 years, yet it still feels awkward and almost alien at times. I have these lumps of fat on my chest that get in the way and impede arm movement. I've got genitalia which, quite frankly, still creeps me out. This isn't a new thing- the first time I truly noticed my anatomy, I thought I was deformed, despite knowing that my bits were fairly standard for females. Puberty was hell, as I started gaining weight, which settled in rather unfortunate places. At times, I stopped eating, hoping that doing so would stop my breasts from growing. I didn't see it as the process of becoming a mature woman, like my peers seemed to. I saw it as a sign that I was fat. menstruation was absolute hell- the less said about that, the better.

Even knowing intellectually that this was natural and expected, I still couldn't handle these changes to my body.

I tried to be a woman, I really did. I spent years wearing skirts and make-up, trying to fit the feminine stereotype, hoping that if I tried just a little bit harder, I could make myself like being a woman. If I wore bras that emphasized my curves, I could forget how much I hated them. If I did just a little bit more...

I felt like I was flawed. There must have been something wrong with me, after all. I started cutting, feeling that I deserved the pain as punishment for not being good enough. The marks were there to remind me that I needed to try harder.

This is why I find it so insulting when people act like I'm some kind of traitor. This is why it's so frustrating when people think that transitioning from female to male is a form of giving up and bowing down to the patriarchy. I really don't give a flying fuck about gender roles, and the patriarchy can blow me, but I refuse to live a lie any more. I refuse to pretend that I'm happy having female anatomy, simply because some feel that stating otherwise is a betrayal. I refuse to bow down to those who feel that dealing with our undeniably transphobic society is taking the "easy way out."

After all, how can I be honest to a cause if I'm lying about my very identity?

Yes, I understand that we live in a patriarchal society. As I said, I am a staunch supporter of equality. However, my mental and emotional health comes before showing solidarity with a group I do not feel I belong to. I'm supporting equality to improve the quality of live for others- but why should I be expected to live in misery to do so? Isn't it slightly hypocritical to assume that I should sacrifice my own well being to ensure your happiness? Isn't that exactly what you are accusing patriarchal society of doing to women?